A walk down memory lane...

As I write this I choke back tears hoping I can make it through the post (and the whole day for that matter). My incredible baby boys turn 1 today and it’s astounding how very much my life has changed because of these two beautiful little creations. The boys made us work for them…there’s no doubt about that. If you’ve read this blog (or have ever spoken to me), you know Matt and I struggled with infertility. It was heartbreaking and unfair but it really made us sure of the fact that we wanted a family and really made us count our blessings when we finally got one. We are fortunate that we found an IVF study that cut the cost considerably, we are fortunate that we got to work with one of the best RE’s in the country, and we are DOWNRIGHT LUCKY that the cycle worked and we got two AMAZING children from it. We saw the boys for the first time when they were 5 day old blastocysts. The Lab Tech told us they were leaps and bounds above all the other embryos…they were fighters and might as well have been yelling “PICK ME”. I can remember getting the positive pregnancy test like it was yesterday. I remember the look on Matt’s face when I surprised him with the news and I’ll never forget our first ultrasound when we discovered we’d be having twins. I picked an incredible OB who watched me like a hawk and because of that I got to see my babies via ultrasound every 3 weeks. I watched them grow and flourish and loved every minute of it. Unfortunately, my body decided it could only handle so much and I was put on hospital bed rest to save the pregnancy. The flurry of that day still boggles my mind. I was confused and scared and at the time I heard I was being admitted…alone. I’d never been in a hospital and had no idea what was coming. We were warned on that day that the babies only had a 50% chance of living if I couldn’t hold them in until 28 weeks. Throughout my stay I had very high highs and very low lows. My friends surrounded me with love and support and did everything they could from afar to keep my mind occupied and my spirits high. I was sent to L&D a total of 3 times and given more labor stopping injections than I can count. I literally fought for every single second of my pregnancy. I was determined that they wouldn’t be born in November. I spent the last weekend of November in L&D…we knew it wouldn’t be much longer. They had gotten me back in my room and I was anxious to get past Nov 30. I had friends and family texting and sending various cyber messages congratulating me on making it to December. I wouldn’t accept it until after midnight and even had a countdown. At 6 AM I woke up in hard labor, the boys were coming…no doubt. They were only 31 weeks (a normal pregnancy is 40), we knew they would need NICU time and worried about their health. Matt made it to the hospital as I was being wheeled into the OR and my biggest fear was a silent delivery room. I begged the babies to cry for me when they were born. Just so I’d know they were okay. We had been told 31 weekers are not strong enough to breathe on their own and to be prepared for the worst case scenario. My sweet Parker came out first and let out such a joyful scream followed very quickly by the tiny Tyler who also gave the relief I needed with his cries. I was allowed to hold MY children for a few minutes and felt on top of the world. I hadn’t expected to get to hold them and was elated they were doing well enough for me to have this moment with them. The picture of this moment sits by my bedside so that every morning I see what I witnessed during their first few minutes of life and am reminded of how lucky we are. They were quickly rushed to the NICU and I was taken to recovery where I spread my wonderful news. I learned later that night that the astounding Tyler was breathing room air! It was a miracle! Sweet Parker was struggling and we worried about him endlessly in those first few days. Their weeks in the NICU creeped by and eventually Tyler was ready to come home followed by Parker 2 weeks later. The months since have been a whirlwind of activity. I’m amazed by how quickly Parker and Tyler have caught up with babies born full term. They are troopers! They greet me every morning with happiness and more love than I ever knew existed and to this day I still get giddy when one of them says “mama”. I’m their Mama! I can never be replaced in their hearts and I see their faces light up with love when I come in the room. I’m sure they see the same from me in return. My boys may not be the smartest or the cutest babies ever (although they are both to me), but they are miracles for just existing. For overcoming our challenges in bringing them into this world, for learning to eat when they were born too early to know how to do such a natural thing, for defying all odds and just breathing at such a young gestation…My boys are extraordinary. And I’m just lucky enough to call them MINE.

Happy First Birthday to my sweet, marvelous, miraculous baby boys!

Where has time gone?

Yes, as I type this I cannot believe that my last post was celebrating Tyler and Parkers half birthday. Our amazing boys are now 10 months old. They are crawling everywhere, pulling up on everything, and Tyler is just starting to get brave enough to let go of whatever he's holding on to long enough to walk over to the next piece of furniture. Yep, he'll be walking alone in no time. When it comes to gross motor skills Parker likes to watch Tyler figure things out and then he'll go for it, so I'm sure he'll be working on walking pretty quickly as well. They both run circles around the coffee table and couch and love their little walker toy...it's amazing how quickly they've caught up with babies their actual age instead of their adjusted age. They are truly outstanding. Both are quite chatty...lots of dada and baba and I finally got a mama the other day (literally did a happy dance...I've been working on that one for MONTHS). Parker is incredible with self feeding. He can pick up the tiniest things and eats just like a little man. I'm awe struck watching him eat. I never thought I could be so fascinated with something so simple. Being a parent changes everything! They are eating table food and still having about 24 oz of formula a day, but we look forward to switching to whole milk and regaining a nice chunk of our paychecks, haha. Unfortunately they are still refusing to hold their own bottles and are not huge fans of sippy cups. I know they are capable of holding their own bottles, but I really think they enjoy the close snuggling and are on a little bit of a power trip. We're not forcing the issue as of yet...they win this one for now, but the pedi is ready for us to make the big switch soon and I know it's going to be a rough time for our little family. I finally found a sippy cup they will drink from, but again no holding and it's a pretty big struggle to get them to take it. Fingers crossed that challange will end in good time. Oh yes and they have tons of teeth! At last count Parker had 8 and Tyler had 6...CRAZY!

Matt is still trucking along at work. Nothing new to report except that he's been moved to a new store (AGAIN) and there is talk of a new position in the future, but nothing is in stone yet. We'll see how that pans out.

So now my sorry excuse for why I've neglected our little blog. I've been SWAMPED! I went back to work in August and have been learning to adjust not only to becoming a working mom, but also to the graveyard shift. It is very difficult, but Matt has really stepped up to help with the boys and with lots of help from family we're managing. I'm working in a hospital (which I LOVE) and have definitely confirmed that I'm on the right career path. I'm working full time for now, but once full time school starts I'll have to drop quite a few hours. Speaking of school...I've applied for two different nursing programs. I have already heard back from my second choice school and I am an alternate for the Spring Semester. I've already turned in my application for my first choice and will be taking the entrance exam later this month. Please pray for me! I'm dreadfully nervous and hate that this is all riding on a 5 hour test!!! I will know with pretty good certainty if my score was good enough as soon as I finish the exam. I know what the cut off was for the Fall semester so if I get above that...I'm in. Fingers crossed!

We are anxious for the holidays to get here and can't wait to begin all sorts of new traditions with our boys. Halloween is quickly approaching and we already have the boys costumes. I am so excited for Thanksgiving (it's always been one of my fav holidays) and I just know Christmas is going to be amazing. The boys first birthday is just around the corner and I am busily planning for the big celebration. As an early heads up it will be Saturday December 5, 2009 at our home. We'll get formal invitations out as it gets closer but mark it on your calendars now since the December weekends tend to fill up fast :). I'll leave you all now with the babies' 9 month stats and a few cute pics. We love you all and hopefully I'll be able to keep up the blog a little better in the future.

Parker:

Weight-18lb 7oz (25th percentile)

Height-29in (75-90th percentile)

Tyler:

Weight-19lb 14oz (50th percentile)

Height-28.8in (75-90th percentile)

6 Months

I've fallen a little behind, but I had to pop on to share pictures from the boys 1/2 birthday, first veggies, and info from their 6 month check up. They are growing so very quickly and Tyler is on the verge of crawling and refuses to spend any time on his back these days. They are L-O-V-I-N-G their veggies and have become much more vocal these days. Parker seems to be developing such a flirty shy personality and has a permanent grin planeted on his tiny face. Here are their stats from their check up:

Parker:

Weight-15lb 9oz (10-25th%)

Height-26.3in (50-75%)

Head-17.1in (50%)

Tyler:

Weight-16lb 7oz (25-50%)

Height-25.8in (25-50%)

Head-17.3in (75%)

Solids!

I cannot believe my little boys are beginning the steps to start eating "real food"!
They are not loving rice cereal, but we're still giving it a few more shots for swallow practice before we move on to veggies.
Here's some pics of our first adventure with a spoon :) We have their 6 month pedi appointment on Monday and I'll be sure to post stats and an update after that.

One Year Ago...

One year ago we walked into the Center For Assisted Reproduction with anxiety, fear, and hope. We knew the odds and IVF is only successful about half the time a cycle is attempted. I held Matt's hand as we watched the ultrasound screen showing the flexible syringe dropping my little embryos into my womb. I hung nearly upside down and read my future children a letter begging them to give us the chance to be their parents. I didn't know at the time that they would both choose to hang on and bless me with their existence. I didn't know that I would spend 43 days in the hospital fighting for them so they wouldn't have to fight as hard when they were born. I didn't know that I would then spend another 42 days visiting the same hospital waiting for them to be ready to come home. I didn't know they would grow into my two adorable sons that have become the reason I get up in the morning. I didn't know I would spend hours trying to get them to giggle because it's the most beautiful sound on earth and it makes my heart skip a beat. I could never know what it feels like to love two little people so much and could never know how much they would change my life. I still can't believe I'm their mother and that I get to love them every day for the rest of my life. They were worth every second of pain, prayer, and worry and I would do it again 1,000 times. Here's to another amazing year!

First Swim

The weather is starting to heat up and the boys have great head control so we thought it was time to try their first swim. They LOVE their baths so I figured this would be a great experience and they would have a blast. Turns out the water was still too cold and they cried the entire time. We'll try again once the weather heats up enough to warm the water a little more, but we got some cute pictures of them in their little swim suits in the mean time :)

Happy Easter

From our family to yours!

4 Month Stats

The boys had their 4 month check up this week and are doing FANTASTIC! They are on the "normal" baby growth chart (as opposed to the preemie chart) and are actually caught up to full term babies their age. Developmentally they are about equivalent to a 3 month old, so we have a few things to work on to get them up to speed, but since their adjusted age is only 2 months old we are all very proud of them. Here are their exact measurements :)

Parker:

Weight-13 lb 3 oz (25th percentile)
Height-24.5 in (50th percentile)

Tyler

Weight-13 lb 2 oz (25th percentile)
Height-23.5 in (10-25th percentile)

March

We've had a pretty busy month so far. The boys were baptised on March 1st and got to finally meet their great grandparents (GG & Pop) who came all the way from East Texas for the special occasion. I have been busy getting ready to apply for nursing school and keeping up with the twins. They are both smiling, laughing occasionally, cooing, sitting in their Bumbo seats, holding their heads up, sleeping through the night, and lighting up my life every day! Parker rolled over for the first time from tummy to back on the 18th. Tyler did it once right after he came home (I'll have to look up the date...need it for the baby book anyway). They are such a blessing and so much fun. They seem to starting to see really well too because they both just STARE at everything. It's fascinating to watch them grow and learn. I love my life! Here are some pics to ooh and ahh over :)

Nuff Said

A day in our life

Nap Time

It's always funny to see how the babies are laying when they wake up from their naps. You just never know what position you'll find them in

Peeking at each other through the divider...Tyler has figured out how to get his little hand under there to antagonize his brother.

I could have died laughing when I saw this

Hilarious! We don't know how he managed this.

Bath Time

Play Time

Parker and Tyler love to lay together and look at each other

They both smile here and there. More at each other than anyone else

Izzy is always concerned when the babies are making noise

All bundled up and ready to go

Meal Time

I promise they don't normally eat like this. When we get really desperate and they both need to eat NOW I'll feed them in their carseats and hold the bottles. I just needed to prop them to get a picture.

Together At Last

Goodness it's been a long time since my last post, but I have a great excuse...Parker is home! He was discharged on January 16 and boy have we been busy. We are all in a pretty good routine now and are currently working on training the both babies to sleep through the night. At their last doctors appointment Parker weighed 9 lb 5 oz and Tyler weighed 8 lbs 5 oz and they are both starting to smile. We got their newborn pictures taken a few weeks ago and we're currently waiting for the announcements to be printed. After that I'll post the link to see the rest of the pictures so you can all see how much our boys have grown. Here are some pictures from the big homecoming day.

Removing the monitors

The great escape

Becoming a free man

Both boys ready to leave the hospital for the last time

Riding in the car seat

Finally together at home

One down, One to go

Tyler is home! We had been told it would happen on Monday, but didn't want to jinx it by saying it out loud since we've had a couple times that we had been told a date and he just wasn't ready. This time, however, he was good to go. Sunday night I spent the night at the hospital in one of the NICU parent rooms. These rooms are like little lofts and the baby is taken off all monitors so it's just like being home (as in, you're on your own), but still in the hospital in case of an emergency. Neither Tyler or I slept a wink! He was wide awake all night making little grunting noises and I was terrified that something was going to happen, so I just stayed up and stared at him all night. The nurse said she hears that all the time. I was worried that maybe Tyler wasn't going to be a good sleeper, but then was told Parker didn't sleep that night either, so we think they just missed each other. Since coming home Tyler has done so well. We're all getting used to each other and trying to get ourselves in a good routine. We still go visit Parker every night (which is much more difficult now that we have to pack an infant) and we hope that he'll be joining us within the week. He still has the little heart decelerations, but he's taking all of his bottles now, his feeding tube is out, and he's already passed his car seat test. He's actually the lucky one becuase poor Tyler had to deal with us during our learning curve. No matter how many books you read or how prepared you think you are, it is bound to be chaos! Learning where to keep the bassinett, when to put him in the crib, whether he likes the swing or bouncy seat, how to get ANYTHING done when feedings take an hour and a half and occur every 3 hours, the list goes on. Izzy is doing well coping with our new addition. She is very curious, but we let her sniff and keep a close eye on her when she's around him. She does get very concerned with his little noises if I'm not close by him. She'll peer into his little basinett if he's in there or hop around his crib if he's napping in it and basically run back and forth to me and him as if to tell me to fix it, haha. She's a good dog and I have a feeling she'll end up being very protective of our little guys. Well, my hour of free time is up, take care and we'll try to keep everyone update on both of the boys' progress in the next few days!

Their last NICU picture together

Taking off the monitors

Ready to go to the Parent Room

The Parent Room

Bustin Out

Baby LoJack (Locater to make sure he doesn't leave the floor)

He's a free man

Off we go!