A walk down memory lane...

As I write this I choke back tears hoping I can make it through the post (and the whole day for that matter). My incredible baby boys turn 1 today and it’s astounding how very much my life has changed because of these two beautiful little creations. The boys made us work for them…there’s no doubt about that. If you’ve read this blog (or have ever spoken to me), you know Matt and I struggled with infertility. It was heartbreaking and unfair but it really made us sure of the fact that we wanted a family and really made us count our blessings when we finally got one. We are fortunate that we found an IVF study that cut the cost considerably, we are fortunate that we got to work with one of the best RE’s in the country, and we are DOWNRIGHT LUCKY that the cycle worked and we got two AMAZING children from it. We saw the boys for the first time when they were 5 day old blastocysts. The Lab Tech told us they were leaps and bounds above all the other embryos…they were fighters and might as well have been yelling “PICK ME”. I can remember getting the positive pregnancy test like it was yesterday. I remember the look on Matt’s face when I surprised him with the news and I’ll never forget our first ultrasound when we discovered we’d be having twins. I picked an incredible OB who watched me like a hawk and because of that I got to see my babies via ultrasound every 3 weeks. I watched them grow and flourish and loved every minute of it. Unfortunately, my body decided it could only handle so much and I was put on hospital bed rest to save the pregnancy. The flurry of that day still boggles my mind. I was confused and scared and at the time I heard I was being admitted…alone. I’d never been in a hospital and had no idea what was coming. We were warned on that day that the babies only had a 50% chance of living if I couldn’t hold them in until 28 weeks. Throughout my stay I had very high highs and very low lows. My friends surrounded me with love and support and did everything they could from afar to keep my mind occupied and my spirits high. I was sent to L&D a total of 3 times and given more labor stopping injections than I can count. I literally fought for every single second of my pregnancy. I was determined that they wouldn’t be born in November. I spent the last weekend of November in L&D…we knew it wouldn’t be much longer. They had gotten me back in my room and I was anxious to get past Nov 30. I had friends and family texting and sending various cyber messages congratulating me on making it to December. I wouldn’t accept it until after midnight and even had a countdown. At 6 AM I woke up in hard labor, the boys were coming…no doubt. They were only 31 weeks (a normal pregnancy is 40), we knew they would need NICU time and worried about their health. Matt made it to the hospital as I was being wheeled into the OR and my biggest fear was a silent delivery room. I begged the babies to cry for me when they were born. Just so I’d know they were okay. We had been told 31 weekers are not strong enough to breathe on their own and to be prepared for the worst case scenario. My sweet Parker came out first and let out such a joyful scream followed very quickly by the tiny Tyler who also gave the relief I needed with his cries. I was allowed to hold MY children for a few minutes and felt on top of the world. I hadn’t expected to get to hold them and was elated they were doing well enough for me to have this moment with them. The picture of this moment sits by my bedside so that every morning I see what I witnessed during their first few minutes of life and am reminded of how lucky we are. They were quickly rushed to the NICU and I was taken to recovery where I spread my wonderful news. I learned later that night that the astounding Tyler was breathing room air! It was a miracle! Sweet Parker was struggling and we worried about him endlessly in those first few days. Their weeks in the NICU creeped by and eventually Tyler was ready to come home followed by Parker 2 weeks later. The months since have been a whirlwind of activity. I’m amazed by how quickly Parker and Tyler have caught up with babies born full term. They are troopers! They greet me every morning with happiness and more love than I ever knew existed and to this day I still get giddy when one of them says “mama”. I’m their Mama! I can never be replaced in their hearts and I see their faces light up with love when I come in the room. I’m sure they see the same from me in return. My boys may not be the smartest or the cutest babies ever (although they are both to me), but they are miracles for just existing. For overcoming our challenges in bringing them into this world, for learning to eat when they were born too early to know how to do such a natural thing, for defying all odds and just breathing at such a young gestation…My boys are extraordinary. And I’m just lucky enough to call them MINE.

Happy First Birthday to my sweet, marvelous, miraculous baby boys!